Prof. Wanthony Arrens Exposed?
Barts and The London School of Medicine and Dentistry has been left in a state of what can only be described as mild crisis, as it was revealed that none other than Dean for Students, Professor Wanthony Arrens was at the centre of a massive anti-vaxxer network based here at Barts and The London.
The allegations surfaced after a surprising number of students were found to not be vaccinated, apparently due to Professor Arrens placing enemy operatives within occupational health who answered to ‘Hail Hydra’.
We can reveal exclusively thanks to sources within the Medical School that apparently the issue would have been much bigger if not for the actions of Head of Assessment, Pimesh Natel who allegedly went rogue and decided to take matters into his own hands.
After donning a costume (which he found surprisingly quickly) and insisting that fellow staff called him ‘The Vaccine’, Professor Pimesh allegedly disobeyed direct orders from The Principal and infiltrated Occupational Health.
Once there, he reportedly spiked the water cooler with an extract of elderflower and rubella, a personal cocktail of his that he dubbed ‘Rubellaflower’. Within the next 3 days, 7 staff members who experienced symptoms were rounded up by Professor Natel and told they were not 'Fit to Sit', which Professor Natel has been using as his catchphrase.
In an attempt to clear his name, Professor Wanthony held a open lecture slot in the Perrin Lecture Theatre last week, where students were allowed to ask him any question. As expected however, he expertly dodged and deflected their questions like the lovechild of a ballerina and politician.
Following this debacle, Barts Health NHS Trust was forced to declare their hospitals a 'BL student free zone', and saw an immediate effect, as whole wards of previously ill patients suddenly recovered simultaneous to perform a rousing rendition of 'Defying Gravity from the musical 'Wicked'. Other NHS Trusts are now running trials to see if they too can prove that infections are in fact caused by medical students instead of pathogens.
